Introverts + Door-to-Door Salespeople

COVID has been a blessing.

Now, now, before you get all huffy about how insensitive it is that I say so, let me tell you why.

As an introvert, I’ve hated every single doorbell ring I’ve ever heard as an adult. My mind immediately jumps to thinking, “Oh god, who is here and why didn’t they call first so I can mentally prepare/put on a bra?”

But COVID changed all that.

Suddenly, it was uncouth to answer the door, or even to ring the doorbell at all.

And I loved that, so, so, so much.

I had good reason–beyond simply just not wanting to–for not answering the door.

But now, things are going back to normal and I’ve turned back into this lady.

In fact, I just had a very alarming incident to share with you.

I was home enjoying some bra-less quiet time in a comfy arm chair, when I noticed movement at the front door through the window.

Before I could stealthily rush to the other side of the room to hide, the man looked into the window and the shudders were just open enough that we made eye contact.

Fuck.

Fucking eye contact.

Then, he rang the doorbell (we have a Ring doorbell, which is awesome…unless you’re already spotted through the damn window).

As soon as he broke eye contact with me, I rushed to the other side of the room and resumed my hiding behavior despite knowing he’d seen me already.

What are introverts to do besides panic and act like complete socially unacceptable children?

Answer the door? No. I don’t think so.

So from my hiding spot, I held my breath and pulled open my Ring app to watch him.

Look at this guy. So confident that I’d happily talk to him about inspecting our roof painting our house or whatever bullshit reason he has for tucking a polo shirt into his shorts this morning.

What an absolute turd.

(Just kidding. I’m sure he’s a lovely person with lots of friends and wonderful parents. I just turn evil when someone invades my space to sell me something I don’t need.)

He waved at the camera and my mind and body reacted with both terror and irritation as though his wave were the equivalent of someone telling me my cat is ugly.

How dare he wave at my camera.

Get out of here, you damn miscreant! Nobody wants you here!

This lasted for an uncomfortably long time.

Probably 90 seconds.

And I re-checked my Ring app to confirm he’d gone away before slinking past the windows and the front door to my office at the other end of the house.

My office is my secret weapon for uninvited guests.

I can, without them seeing me, look out at the front door to see who is there.

I can also see if there are any cars still parked in front of the house.

From my safe and secret introvert window, I saw he’d gone and confirmed he also wasn’t sitting creepily in a vehicle out there.

(The last time I ordered DoorDash, the guy dropped off my food and then sat in his car, so I felt the same type of terror in wanting to grab my food while remaining unseen.)

Anyway, I did find a couple silver linings during COVID and this is perhaps the most meaningful one.

There is also a blog coming about reasons I enjoyed wearing a mask, but I’ll save all that craziness for later.