Making Lemonade

It’s been quite a summer.

Lots of loss and therefore lots of cigarettes (sorry parents, I promise to quit again soon).

I’ve had the unique experience of being “homeless” for a bit. Though, not because of shitty finances, but because I decided I needed to start a new chapter in my life, which meant leaving the chapter I’ve known for the past 6 years.

It’s been gutting and so very humbling.

Most of my belongings are boxed up in Lakewood, while I live for 6 weeks out of a bag hopping from the place I’m lucky enough to own, to friends’ beds, guest rooms, couches, and campers while I wait for the last of the Airbnb guests to come and go.

It’s a bittersweet season. One where I had to hurt someone I care so deeply for in order to save us from a life with constant struggle. And soon after we lost the little fur companion with whom I shared nearly 18 years of my life.

This is a season of working through a lot of pain. And that’s okay. It’s still living.

On the other hand, the sweet side of bittersweet has been the overwhelming support both he and I have received from friends and family who understand our decision, respect it, and are willing to support us in any way we need.

I have countless offers for places to stay while I wait to land. And I’ve had countless offers to connect with friends to do things that help me keep my mind moving forward.

It’s incredible and I’m humbled by all the amazing people I know in this world.

And the couch-surfing will make me all the more aware on the day I finally get to land in a place that’s my own. So while it’s deeply uncomfortable at times, I can’t help but to be grateful for it.

So, as these types of life shifting experiences do, I have an appointment to dye my hair all the colors and I have plans for another tattoo…with all the colors.

I’ve been exhausted, bored, lonely, sad, and angsty. And I’ve been optimistic, vulnerable, and grateful. I’ve cried buckets. But I’ve also belly laughed. Just all the things right now.

I’m having to find myself again, find new hobbies, restore old hobbies, and motivate myself to go outside and do stuff that’s good for me.

Six years ago, this wasn’t where I expected to be on the brink of turning 38, but it’s where I am and that’s okay. I’m okay.

And for fucks sake, I have a book to finish!

Anyway, this season makes it hard for me to write blogs, especially because I have a massive project due on Thursday, but more posts are coming. I promise.